It’s the giving of thanks time
Posted By The Cigar Soldier on November 13, 2013
Well boys and girls, it appears that another year of outdoor smoking has officially come to an end and I can’t help but notice we’re rapidly approaching the Holiday Season. The constant ads and overstocked store shelves loaded with Christmas goodies help remind me as well. The recent cold sna
p has got my state of Wisconsin set for another deer hunt as well as preparing for Thanksgiving with the family. For many of us that means getting together with all the people we can’t stand for an afternoon of eating, drinking and of course football. By the way, did you check out the games slated for Turkey day? My Green and Gold against the Lions! That means I’ll have to figure out how sneak out of dinner to catch the game and maybe a quick stogie.
Thanksgiving for every family is a little different and over the years I recall stories from friends about the dinner planned and the dinner that actually was. Let me explain that one a bit to you fellas so you’ll see what I mean. I think most families work extremely hard to put on a huge feast complete with all the trimmings and then hope that the day results in some “Rockwell esque” picture where everything turns out just perfectly. You know what I mean: the food is impeccably cooked and done on time, the family all dressed in their finest cloths for the occasion gather round the table where dad (the non-drunk version) cuts into the succulent golden brown turkey as everyone patiently waits in mouth watering anticipation. It’s reminiscent of a scene from a Disney movie where nothing is out of place and life seems to be flawless, at least for a little while.
Mothers across this great land have struggled year after year to create that exact backdrop hoping someone will quickly snap a photograph of the entire setting allowing them to at least for a moment have the family Holiday they always wished they could have. More often than not the day’s planning derails at some point early on and what we’re left with is a scene more fitting as an outtake from
Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Once the entire family bellies up to the dining room table reality sets in that this day is going to be a tad bit less than the enchanting vision we hoped it to be.
The calamity typically begins with an over abundance of snot nosed little crap makers putting their filthy hands on every damn thing in the house while their parents, oblivious to the disaster, offer useless advice on how to prepare a meal when in actuality they can barely boil water and their hideous offspring survive mainly off a daily dose of Chicken McNuggets. By now the “man of the house” has cracked his fourth or fifth can of Budweiser in the hopes that some self medicating with alcohol will boost his tolerance enough to not drown himself in the toilet instead of dealing with the misfortune of seeing just how far below par his family has fallen. Arguments between siblings that have long been buried seem to dig themselves out and become dinner table conversation and near fisticuffs tend to ensue when the NASCAR point’s standings get discussed. At some point order is restored and dinner is served but it never really resembles the perfect image you portrayed in your mind all morning.
Hey, that’s what spending time with your family is all about; huge disappointments. They don’t all turn out like a Hallmark Channel special where against all odds Thanksgiving happens with a heartwarming message of gratefulness for all we have instead of watching Grandpa pass out in the Barcalounger with his pants unbuttoned from gorging himself on homemade stuffing and green bean casserole. Don’t oversell the day to yourself and just find a way to enjoy what you have because at some point all those freeloaders will eventually leave your house so you can have a cigar and think about the things you truly have to be thankful for. Just remember, it’s the holidays and we’re all in misery.
I hope I didn’t get you too down in the dumps now that you realized your family really is messed up
and you honestly believed you’re the normal one in the bunch. On a much brighter note, the Annual Brotherhood of the Leaf Christmas Party Cigar Exchange is right around the corner. I have made it very clear in the past that I don’t water down Christmas for anybody so find a way accept that our club holds a Christmas Party. It’s not a “Holiday” party or some other PC term so we don’t offend somebody. Is we good? Wonderful. The best part of our Christmas Party is our Cigar Gift Exchange for anyone that would like to participate. It works like this, come to Cigar Night with a quality cigar to add to the gift exchange. Anyone that brings a cigar will receive one back, that’s how gift exchanges work. You must pick a high quality premium handmade stick, no seconds, bundles, mistakes, knock offs, fakes, phonies or machine made cigars. Spend a few bucks and make sure that it has a band or some designation so the recipient knows what the hell they just got. Oh yeah, and wrap the damn thing! It’s a Christmas present to one of your fellow cigar brethren so put some effort into it. Any cigar deemed unfit for the exchange will be pitched and you’ll have to buy a new cigar for every paid member in attendance. Every year our party gets better so I’m really looking forward to kicking off the Holidays and sharing a little Christmas spirit with you bums.
There you have it my boys and girls, a reality check for you but with a softening blow because our Christmas Party is right around the corner. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and can find many things to be grateful for this year. Although they may be hidden there are many.
Gobble Gobble – The Cigar Soldier
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