It’s not even winter yet
Posted By The Cigar Soldier on December 13, 2010
I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention the fact that Jim Doyle (our soon to be ex-governor) has declared a state of emergency for the entire state of Wisconsin. That’s all 72 counties fellas! Blizzard Aiden hammered the Midwest and is responsible for massive snow falls, thousands of cars in the ditch, numerous community event cancellations and school closures or delays but most of all for causing the roof at Mall of America Field collapse. That’s freaking hilarious. 
I’m sure I’m not the only one questioning where Al Bore and his Global Warming dolts are today becasue it’s damn cold here in Northeast Cheeseland. Unless your still digging out from all the snow there is no reason to even be outside the next few days unless you’re practicing your extreme weather survival techniques with Bear Grylls or preparing to run the Iditarod. The wind chill tonight will make it feel like a bone chilling -25 degrees out there. Yes, negative 25 degrees my little smoking Eskimo buddies. I don’t care who you are, that’s cold no matter how you look at it. Way too cold to light up a cigar in this kind of environment unless frostbitten little fingers is something you had on your Christmas wish list.
Checking the snowfall totals we got less than a foot of the white stuff but after 50 plus mile per hour winds many snowdrifts topped out near four or five feet tall. And the wind is still making them bigger! The plows were working overtime just to make the roads drivable and on my way to work this morning I stopped counting the number of cars in the ditch once I hit seventeen. That’s only a ten mile stretch of State Highway and yet even this morning it was treacherous travel. Being the thrill seeker that I am, I braved those icy roads and risked potential bodily or vehicular harm just to get to work today and bitch about the snow to you guys and gals.
Every year it’s the same thing in our state as we wait for the first big storm of the winter season and then people act surprised that we get buried under a ton of snow and should stay off the roads for the next 24 hours. I love seeing all the idiots rushing out to purchase snow blowers or shovels, ice scrapers and salt in the middle of a blizzard because they were too lazy to pick one up while it was actually nice out. For some reason the local news crew always tracks down one of this genetic mistakes in tennis shoes and a wind breaker waist deep in a snow pile like he was completely caught off guard that we have winter in this state. It’s nearly as bad as the interviews of flood victims who literally have high water marks still on their house from the last time the mighty Mississippi floated away the mobile home and they seem dumbfounded that once again the homestead is counter top high in water.
Year after year it’s what we go through and if you can’t handle those conditions you might as well buy some white loafers and move to Florida. If we’re not pissin’ and moaning about the weather then you can bet we’re bitching about the Packers. And after yesterdays miserable performance, trust me, there is plenty to be upset about. Just think though, technically the first day of Winter isn’t even until the 21st of December so this latest storm doesn’t even count. I guess those HUGE piles of snow I avoided on the way into work today were only figments of my overactive imagination.
I was going somewhere with this but like most of the cars I saw this morning I must have slid off into the ditch sometime back. Let’s see, I bitched about the arctic freeze we’re experiencing. I complained about large amounts of snow and the blockheads who seem surprised by it every year. Hell, I even squeezed in a very short bitch about how bad my Packers looked on Sunday. Man, that’s a lot of stuff that could really get a fella down in the dumps and feeling pretty low until the fat man drops off some goodies for me in a few weeks because I was such a good boy this year. Lucky for me I have two fully stocked humidors at home and a locker at Titletown Tobacco just loaded with my favorite little treats to get me through the long winter.
This is the perfect time of year to frequent your favorite Brick-n-Mortar shop or lounge and grab a few sticks to enjoy while hiding out from Mother Nature. It’s hard to beat kicking back with a good stick in a cigar lounge sharing stories with the regulars and chatting with the staff or owners. There aren’t many places left where we are welcome to enjoy a cigar so I hope you support your local venue before they too are only a memory. That’s where I was going! Even though it’s cold enough freeze your chestnuts off and you’re sick of lugging shovel after shovel of snow from the end of the drive way, we still have a cigars to enjoy. Can’t smoke at home indoors, too cold to smoke outdoors and of course we can’t even smoke in a bar anywhere in the state. That makes the decision making process an easy one, get out of the house and come down to cigar shop in your area. You’ll be glad you did. Oh and by the way, you’re mom called me and I’m supposed to remind you to put on a hat when you go outside today, apparently it’s chilly out there.
The (frozen) Cigar Soldier
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