More V-Chips and Stogies Please

Posted By on January 13, 2011

Less than two weeks into the new year and if I was a betting man, I would wager that most of you have already given up those resolutions you promised yourself you were going keep this year faster than Richard Simmons skipping to a Ricky Martin concert.  I’ve learned that with an attention span shorter than ABC’s attempt to turn the GEICO Cavemen into a sitcom that it doesn’t make sense for me to make and keep New Year’s resolutions so I’ll just keep being me because I am as close to perfection as you can get.  Yeah, I’m know I’m nowhere close but just let me have this one.  Making it through the Holiday Season of non-stop Christmas and New Year’s parties I’m sure I speak for many of you guys in saying that my body needs a break from the gluttenous seemingly never ending feast of candy, cookies, pies, turkey, ham, Scotch and premium hand rolled cigars.  Well, maybe not those last two but I guess even my liver could use a recovery week from the massive quantities of small batch Bourbon I ingested the last few weeks.

The good news is that at least I’ve been getting a little snowcigarexercise pushing piles of snow around outdoors with the numerous snow falls this past month.  Funny how as someone who is almost as tall as an adult I don’t get as excited about the white stuff as much as I did when I was a kid.  Don’t get me wrong, I love snow, I’m one of those people that figures if it’s going to be 23 degrees outside for four or five months we might as well have snow cover so it’s not just frigid with a barren brown landscape to look at.  I know many of you guys hate it and I understand why since it often feels like we’ve been whisked away to Siberia and by now we’re wondering if this cold and snow will ever go away.  Trust me, it will but the way this winter is going it just might be late May before it does.  Anyone else longing for a cigar on the deck right about now?

With the option to spend any amount of time outside happily puffing away on your favorite stogies basically off the table, it just leaves more time for you guys to sprawl out on the couch and watch Oprah’s new television channel OWN.  Really?  She actually has her very own station where mindless housewives can be told what to read, wear or worse yet have that pompous windbag monstrous headed twit Dr. Phil give such groundbreaking advice such as “no dog ever peed on a moving car”.  I’m serious, Google it cause that jackass actually said it.  I think this is the type of station they had in mind when the V-Chip was invented.  After over 25 years on the air what the hell could she possibly have to still yak about or fill days worth of programming with that wouldn’t make the average person stick their head into the oven and bake at 450 until lightly golden brown on the outside?  Are they just going to follow her around for the day and film her extravagant lifestyle?  Sorry, I already have the National Geographic Channel where I can watch hippos feed and see whales go for a leisurely swim.  No thank you!  Talk about something so completley unnecessary and unneeded since I already have a lifetime subscription to her O magazine.  Now if you’ll excuse, me I need to finish rading last months issue.

I’ll admit that the short days during winter make it hard to get motivated and I do find myself zoned out in front of thkidswatchingtve TV way more than usual this time of year and I now think my mom knew what she was talking about when she harped on me to go outside and do anything else because too much TV will rot my brain.  Much of the credit for my less than full mental capacity actually has to be given to the fine men and women who make Miller Lite but I now believe that I’m getting dumber, er…more dumber by watching what the networks are passing off as programming these days.  The problem is I get addicted to television during the winter and it’s a habit that couldn’t be tougher to kick if Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts was holding it with her fingertip.  At least I have Packer playoff football to watch this weekend!

I’ll continue to do my best and not bitch about winter and you guys keep doing your best to show up for Cigar Night and this will be like our own little support group to help each other get through  the rest of winter together.  My prescription is more booze and more cigars.  Spring will eventually be here and we’ll be back to spending evenings fighting off mosquitoes and bitching about the humidity in the great outdoors anxiously awaiting fall when it will finally cool off a little bit.  Geez you bastids are never happy!  See you guys at Titletown Tobacco for our therapy session on February 1st.  I think Dr. Phil will be happy with our progress.

The Cigar Soldier


About the author

The Cigar Soldier is the founding father and President of The Brotherhood of the Leaf, an internet community of cigar enthusiasts and Northeast Wisconsin’s only true membership based cigar club. As the main writer for Cigar Night, his rants can sting, stir or inspire your emotions, as he leaves no topic of enjoying the cigar lifestyle off his hit list.


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