Here Comes Santa Claus

Posted By on November 23, 2009


MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Ya, I know that as you are reading this you haven’t even passed out from over eating at Thanksgiving yet. Funny thing, you won’t find much about Thanksgiving  in your children’s textbooks anymore. Since political correctness has completely run a muck you’re more likely to read that a bunch of Europeans crashed their Plymouth into a big rock owned by some Indians and they all shared piaya, lest we offend anyone.  I’ve already jumped a holiday ahead but my insanity will soon make sense so just bear withme.  Besides that, Christmas decor has already been put up all over town, many people have their homes decorated withthe outdoor lights blazing and of course every store in the country has been hocking Christmas item’s for well over a month now.  I figure since I enjoy this time of year so much, I would spread some joy to you lucky bastids early.  The main reason I’m spreading my Christmas joy today is because our 3rd annual cigar exchange is right around the corner and I can’t contain my excitement so I had to let you know all about it.  Now whether or not you believe in the whole religious part of Christmas is of absolutely no concern to me.  It’s not my place to convince you that your soul will burn in hell forever if you’re not a God fearing man.  What I can do is tell you that The Brotherhood of the Leaf celebrates Christmas with an annual gift exchange so if you don’t believe, you may want to reconsider for the sake of getting a gift.  Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus!  More on the exchange in a minute.

I do have to quickly address the whole religious thing for a second because of course it kinda played a HUGE role in the founding of our country and it’s often bashed beyond recognition this time of year.   Even if you’re not an overly religious person, you do have to agree that many aspects of living as a Christian are based on solid moral principles and some of those 10 commandments are a pretty good idea.  That whole don’t commit murder thing is a pretty good one don’t you think.  There’s the one about not coveting thy neighbors wife, that is unless she is a totally hot milf because then of course all rules get tossed right out the window.  I do have to mention the one about not coveting any of your neighbors’ possessions.  First off, we know that this one was  kind of an after thought since it is the tenth one on the list.  You have to figure that Moses said, “Lets add one more so we have a round number because people are gonna think we’re crazy preaching about the 9 Commandments”.  Besides that, the basis of an open free market is completely predicated on you coveting your neighbors possessions otherwise you’d still be watching Dancing with the Stars on a 19 inch tube TV.  The scenario goes like this:  You visit your buddy, lets call him Joe.  Joe says, “Hey, check out my new flat panel 45 inch HDTV!”   You go home and tell your wife that Joe has a flat panel 45 inch HDTV and you really want one.  That’s coveting thy neighbors possessions.  You rush out to purchase your new television, possibly going to a 51 inch HDTV cause Joe is kinda a douchebag anyhow and showing him up would really benefit society. You say thank you to your wife for allowing you to buy a new TV and tell her to get herself something nice from Vitoria’s Secret.  Your HDTV is now at home and mounted on the wall where the pictures of your homely disfigured kids third grade school pictures used to hang and is ready to be shown off.  Your buddy Skip comes over and admires your new flat panel 51 inch HDTV only to feel the burning desire to have his own.  The coveting part is kicking again here if you’re not paying attention.  Skip rushes home and says, “Hey Honey!  Did you know that”,  (we’ll call you moron for this example.  You’re probably not a moron but I’m sure your not out splitting atoms for your day job and after-all, you are reading my blog so my description of you may somewhat hold true)  Okay, back to Skip.  Skip says, “Hey Honey, Moron just got a flat panel 51 inch HDTV and I want one.” His wife buys him a flat panel 60 inch HDTV and is told to get herself something nice from Victoria’s Secret.  This example plays itself out repeatedly until you all have huge HDTVs and your wife has crotchless panties from Victoria’s Secret and is now banging the neighbor cause you’re all glued to Two and a Half Men re-runs on your new HDTVs.  Better hope your neighbor is a Christian and believes in that 9th commandment.  It’s the one about not coveting thy neighbors wife.  I don’t want you to have go look it up.

 For now lets just deal with the fact that it’s called Christmas, and watering it down or calling it some generic name for fear of upsetting whatever group is pushing their social agenda doesn’t make it any less of a religious holiday.  Greet people how ever you feel appropriate and for the Love of God stop being so fucking offended when somebody wishes you a Merry Christmas if you’re not a Christian.  It’s a cheerful greeting traditionally accepted at this time of year so say “thank you” and just go on your way.  Otherwise I’ll track you down and cave in your face with a fruit cake.  Not Richard Simmons but a real actual piece of Fruit cake.

For those of you that are at least willing to accept the gift giving part of the Christmas Season, you’ll be happy to know that on December 1st The Brotherhood will be hosting it’s third annual cigar/gift exchange.  To participate all you have to do is come to Cigar Night with a quality cigar to add to the gift exchange.  Anyone that brings a cigar will receive one back, that’s how gift exchanges work.  You must pick a high quality premium hand made stick, no seconds, bundles, mistakes, knock offs, fakes, phonies or machine mades.  Spend a few bucks and make sure that it has a band or some designation so the recipient knows what the hell they just got.  Oh yeah, and wrap the damn thing!  It’s a Christmas present to one of your fellow cigar brethren so put some effort into it.  Any cigar deemed unfit for the exchange will pitched and you’ll have to buy a new cigar for every paid member in attendance.  If you have any questions please email me at the for tips, ideas or more details.  It has been a very fun event in the past and I’m really looking forward to kicking off the Holidays and sharing a little Christmas spirit with you guys on the first.

Our cigar exchange/Christmas party on the first will be the last official Cigar Night for our Green Bay Chapter in 2009 and I’m sure that this year you’ve all had some triumphs as well as some tribulations.  I know that I sure have.  My one constant has been the great group of guys (and gals) that I share the first Tuesday of every month with.  No matter what is going on in my life I know that my friends in The Brotherhood will be ready to lift my spirits each and every Cigar Night.  I know the bulk of this post was in relation to Christmas but on Thursday when I fill my belly with Turkey and watch the Packers shit stomp the Lions, I’ll be lighting one up as my way of being thankful to you guys for allowing me the opportunity to be your ring leader. I hope you all take a few moments to really think about what you are thankful for this year when you are surrounded by food, family or friends.   Happy Thanksgiving to you my Brothers!  But starting Friday it’s Merry Christmas so you better learn to deal with it.

The Cigar Soldier

About the author

The Cigar Soldier is the founding father and President of The Brotherhood of the Leaf, an internet community of cigar enthusiasts and Northeast Wisconsin’s only true membership based cigar club. As the main writer for Cigar Night, his rants can sting, stir or inspire your emotions, as he leaves no topic of enjoying the cigar lifestyle off his hit list.


2 Responses to “Here Comes Santa Claus”

  1. neil"elwood"baldwin says:

    where will we be meeting at with only one shopping day till christmas?

  2. We’ll be at Titletown Tobacco tonight gents. Bring your Christmas spirit and spirits (ya know the alcohol kind) for a great night!

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