But it’s on sale!

Posted By on December 2, 2010

Well my Brothers, much like I had predicted, I ate way too much on Thanksgiving and the Lions got their ass handed to them on national television.  Ah yes, keeping up on traditions.  Only hours removed from Turkey day, we are officially full swing into the Christmas Season and I for one love it.  Most of it.

earlyxmasIf you’ve been hanging around long enough you know that I am a tremendous fan of Christmas, from the songs to the TV specials to the food and even all the decorations.  What I don’t like is the complete over commercialization and pressure to go spend every last penny you made all year on loved ones so you don’t have a miserable Christmas.  It always seems like the Season comes and goes way to quickly but could the marketing geniuses at least let me finish washing the dishes from the Roast Beast before reminding us that we need to be in line at Target by 4am?  The leftovers aren’t even cold yet and I’m bombarded by relentless ads piercing my brain telling me to take advantage of huge store wide savings.  Shouldn’t I at least be able to conclude my gluttonous carnage that is Thanksgiving dinner without  having to think about the ever growing wish list from every freaking family member just waiting for their gifts like I’m some UN Troop distributing rations of rice to starving Haitians?  I can hardly squeeze in a cigar before  it’s time to string up the lights and light up the tree because Santa will be here in less than a month.  Sheesh, give a man a break for at least a Churchill and bottle of Scotch.

bfline-upI do not and I repeat, DO NOT subject myself to any shopping the day after Thanksgiving on what is known as “Black Friday”.  Why the hell would I want to go three rounds in the octagon like a UFC Championship fighter over a coffee maker because it’s 20% off?  Because I’m not completely brain dead, that’s why. Only partially.  Every year millions of shoppers storm the stores searching for monster savings on a massive list of unnecessary items that will eventually lie underneath the Christmas tree.  That part sounds nice doesn’t it? The horror is the mass chaos when the stores open and the scene resembles a heard of water buffalo crossing a swollen stream as they thrash about stomping each other for their own benefit as crocodiles anxiously wait to pick off the feeble and weak.  Once the doors swing open it becomes an all out survival of the fittest as bedlam breaks out when two hundred people try to squeeze through a door made to allow only four at most.  Or Rosie O’Donnell by herself.  Do you remember the video footage of mothers being literally trampled (to near death) by other moms during the great Cabbage Patch Kids craze of the eighties?  Those crazy bitches were willing to beat the hell out of someone for a freaking toy!

saleGift giving is a huge part of the Christmas tradition but stabbing a housewife with a shank in the kidney while in line to get a iPod is sort of crossing the line don’t you think?  When did it it become necessary to cram a years worth of shopping into one morning and just how exactly is that remotely fun?  I guess the need to go buy this crap because stores are selling it at deeply discounted prices to the first 2½ people that make it there alive is motivation to risk life and limb for a Wii.  Happy Holidays from the intensive care unit.  I guess some shoppers love the challenge and others are just stupid, but it makes me laugh to see reports on these credit card wielding water heads fighting traffic and each other to save a few bucks only to spend the savings on more crap.  I guess it’s not what you get for Christmas, apparently it’s “how much” you get.  It just goes to show me that if Old Navy can sell a sweater at 70% off it’s normal price and still make money, then they are fucking you on a daily basis when dolts like us still buy it at normal price.  I still ain’t going shopping on Black Friday though.

The Christmas Season for many can be very stressful so why on God’s green earth subject yourself to the added BS of fighting off ravenous mall goers to spend money most of us don’t have?  Try to eliminate those things you have neither the time nor the money to do, turn on Christmas Vacation and be grateful that your family is not nearly as screwed up as the Griswolds.  You know what?  To make things easy for me and for you mooks, I’m making a donation in all of your names to the Human Fund this year.  There, done and done.

Don’t forget about the Fourth Annual Brotherhood of the Leaf Christmas Party Cigar Exchange on December 7th at Titletown Tobacco.  Email me if you need more details.  Also that week on the 9th, the owners of Titletown Tobacco invite you join them for a night of great cigar specials and a few Christmas treats in The Lounge.  This should really get you into the spirit and I hope you can all make it for both events.  See you kids next week.

The Cigar Soldier

About the author

The Cigar Soldier is the founding father and President of The Brotherhood of the Leaf, an internet community of cigar enthusiasts and Northeast Wisconsin’s only true membership based cigar club. As the main writer for Cigar Night Online.com, his rants can sting, stir or inspire your emotions, as he leaves no topic of enjoying the cigar lifestyle off his hit list.


One Response to “But it’s on sale!”

  1. prime says:

    December 4th Alec Bradley’s Chris Manso in the big House, with lots of Christmas Prensados and Tempus samples and deals, as well as free Blue Moon Ales !!
    PRIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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