Leaf my cigars alone!

Posted By on October 13, 2011

I love fall.  The cool temps and beauty of the great outdoors make this time of year in Wisconsin some of my favorite few months of the year.  To tip the scales even more into Falls favour, we have baseball playoffs, college football in full swing and of course my Green Bay Packers.  Who are 5 and 0 by the way!  Those are some of good things I enjoy as a result of living here.  But as I’m sure can tell already, this is leading up to something I’m going to complain about.

burnpileAs I’m driving home from work yesterday and again on the way into work this morning, I pass through a heavy cloud of smoke coming from a homeowner(s) along US HWY 41 taking care of their yard waste.  It’s typical to burn leaves in northern Wisconsin this time of the year and I would guess that there are thousands of people who clean up the multiple layers of leaves that same way, by piling them up and then setting them a blaze.  Big deal huh?  Well these are likely the same assholes that backed the no-smoking ban in our state.  Just so I’m clear on this let me lay it out for our mutual understanding.  A business owner can not allow a patron to smoke in HIS building because it could affect the health of the public.  That’s the same public that has a choice of whether or not to patronize an establishment based on a multitude of qualifications.  One of them being level of smoke INSIDE the building.  Of course that’s not even an option any longer because the government has taken upon itself the role of playing heath care monitor to the country and thanks to that nanny state mentally, they are trying to protect us from ourselves.

Big brother has decided that no level of smoke is acceptable while I’m IN a bar, but apparently that guideline doesn’t apply to the douche-hat burring his leaves in his back yard forcing me to drive though it outside a bar. Unlike the public who can make a decision to either tolerate a certain level of smoke exposure in a bar or simply take their business elsewhere where smoke is a non factor, we all get smoked out when you burn trash.  I can’t take another highway home or avoid this yard waste smoke, I have to drive right the hell through it.  How the fuck is that acceptable?  To protect the 15 people in a bar the dolts in government say absolutely no smoking is allowed yet the thousands of people who travel that highway to and from work everyday don’t get the same sympathy for the overreaching arms of our government who obviously care so much about us? 

cigar-smoking-profileWhy is it that cigar smoke is unacceptable but turning a pile of leaves into ash causing huge plumes of smoke to cover the roadway and surrounding neighborhoods okey-dokey?  The irony of these fucken clowns voting to ban smoking in public places and then going home to burn a pile of leaves is the philosophical equivalent of a bike rack on a hummer.  Hey, I’m the one that says they’re both leaves so no big whoop.  If you can burn your leaves creating more smoke than a overworked fog machine at an Alice Cooper concert, then why can’t I burn my leaves?  It’s complete hypocrisy allowing that volume of smoke into the air where the public has no options to elude it’s presence and then saying that smoking in a private bar where the public can choose to leave or stay is actually done for benefit of the public.  One burning cigar equals 1 million tree leaves?  Really?  I’m causing as much potential poor air quality with my Cohiba as the guy with a ten foot pile of burning oak leaves?

If the heath of the public was really a factor in this debate then this type of outside burning would be banned completely.  How can you justify protecting us from smoking based on public heath concerns when the private land owner (bar owner) chooses to allow his guests to smoke, has a staff that works in that smoke by choice and has  patrons that go there, again by choice and then subject the approximately 15 thousand cars on HWY 41 to massive quantities of smoke when they have absolutely no choice to avoid it.  I say approximately cause I know it’s a lot of cars and I don’t feel like looking up the real number.  Consider it the same type of research most anti-smoking groups do to prove their baseless points. 

soylent-greenOnce again it’s all about perceived care of the population.  It’s not what they actually do to help make you more healthy, it’s what they act like they’re doing to make you more healthy. In 2009 there were 10,839 deaths attributed to alcohol impaired drivers in the US.  If your government actually cared about you why wouldn’t every car sold in the United States come equipped from the factory with an ignition lock vehicle breathalyzer?  The best way to prevent deaths from drunk driving is to prevent drunk driving!  Don’t ya think?  I use this as an extreme effort to make a joke about how our government is always talking out of both sides of their mouth. But trust me my peeps, once they  figure out how to make millions off this concept I guarantee it will be something we see.  They claim it’s for the benefit of the public that they again strip away more of our personal freedoms and most you jag-offs will just accept it and end up blowing in a little tube before you drive your electric lawn mower car to work at the Soylent Green factory.  Thanks big brother for looking out for me because as you see it, I’m too fucking dumb to care for myself.

Go ahead and burn your leaves but just leave me and my leafs alone.

The Cigar Soldier

About the author

The Cigar Soldier is the founding father and President of The Brotherhood of the Leaf, an internet community of cigar enthusiasts and Northeast Wisconsin’s only true membership based cigar club. As the main writer for Cigar Night Online.com, his rants can sting, stir or inspire your emotions, as he leaves no topic of enjoying the cigar lifestyle off his hit list.


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